i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
