is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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