I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
