this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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