i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
