In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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