In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
