her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
