ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
