I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize