I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
