Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
