Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
