Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize