you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
