why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
