remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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