I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
