i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You made out with two different species that night
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
