Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
