He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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