A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
