It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
