Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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