I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
