he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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