Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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