Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
