TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
