I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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