Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
