Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
