JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You are the jesus of drinking
Enjoy the penises
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
