You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
love makes seman taste better
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
