Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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