Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
