the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
