If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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