Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
