I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
