I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
