I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
