Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
