why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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