Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
