Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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