wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
