You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
