marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
