i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
