there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
