Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
