My brain says no but my pants say off.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
