Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
