I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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