He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
