Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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