Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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