and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and she was petting her beer can
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
