her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
