Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
