Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
