We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
