So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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