just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
