What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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