You surviving the open bar?
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Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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