Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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