I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize