So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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