she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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