I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
jump out the window naked night went bad
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
