So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
