I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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