what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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