we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
