just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
