since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
