I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
