And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
