fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
