the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you would pick up someone in the library
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
